I was talking about getting a tattoo last night with someone whose opinions I value, usually more than my own. The conclusion reached was that my life is in serious need of a permanent decision. One that, once made, cannot be changed.
I’ve been living in this limbo state, this gray area - not making up my mind, holding other people hostage - for far too long. And it isn’t working.
I’m partially-employed. I’m constantly at the mercy of the welfare of generous people. I’m selfish beyond necessity. I’m standing water, attracting flies and bill collectors, growing algae and sickness, instead of self-worth and a savings account. So, in the past few days, I’ve given serious thought to actually getting a tattoo, burying ink under my skin, making a decision, forever.
What I need, right now, is to feel pain, joy, regret, laughter, exhilaration, pride. I need to make a permanent decision, one that will last my entire life; a decision I can look at as often as I need to and remember the choices I’ve made and what I’ve learned from them and how I’ve moved forward and become a better person. I need a reminder of who I am, where I’ve come from, how I got there, where I’m going, what I’m doing to get there.
And I’m pretty sure positive a tattoo will give me that.
So, how much do you think something like this, over my heart, would cost?
Joking aside, I will be saving up for some ink. I don’t know exactly what it’ll be, but I know what it will mean to me. It’s so necessary.
And I know it’ll fucking hurt.
5:29 pm • 28 January 2012 • 17 notes
